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What do you call an Aboriginal up a tree with a briefcase ?

Branch Manager.

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

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KGV tragic

Hope we Don't have any French members who are thin skinned!

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

AP), Paris , March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris ,caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group
of Czech tourists

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KGV tragic

Thought I had better get to 50 posts!!!

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar".

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KGV tragic

What is the most confusing day in Harlem ?

Fathers Day

While we are after the French Scurralous

It is important to remember that the French have always been there................when they needed us.


Raise your right hand if you like the French, ... raise both hands if you are French


War without France would be like ......... World War II."

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I am running out!!!

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."

Mark Twain

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One for the road!!!

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

Norman Schwartzkopf

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KGV tragic

One for the road!!!

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

Norman Schwartzkopf

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KGV tragic

That one is so good, I'm glad you posted it twice!!!

Apparently the phrase "Cheese-eating surrender-monkeys" caused some offence to the Frogs recently. Dunno why...

Yes Gavin-h, posted 2 in succession and was told to wait. Result 2 postings. Glad you liked it however!! Isn't it a little politically incorrect for a member of the European Union to be taking the mickey out of a fellow member?

Dredged up another one for you.

You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940's who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't havethe face for it."

John Mc Cain , U.S. Senator from Arizona

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Medical Breakthrough


Blood transfusion service is now using Chicken Blood.

It makes Men more cocky and Women easier to lay.

To be fair to the French tho', they were only too well aware of their failings a long time ago so started the French Foreign Legion, which has very few French nationals enlisted.

Time to change the subject

A while ago, Joe was asked by his mates to run a marathon and he said, "Piss off!!!"

"Come on" they said, "it's for spastics and blind kids."

Then Joe thought........(This Word Auto Censored by Board software!), I could win this...........

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KGV tragic

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead .

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead .

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said: "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

I wasn't one of the turkeys who voted for Christmas

I hope this doesn't work

http://www.slabearkazad.com/sniff/

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I love the French war record discussion!

When they insist on dressing like poofs at Mardi Gras no wonder they never won a thing .. thes are examples French MILITARY unforms I swear:

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Click HERE to see superb, RARE and unusual stamps, at FIXED low nett prices, high rez photos, and NO buyer fees etc!

I'm reading a really good book at the moment.

It's called "The History of Glue".

Trouble is, I can't put it down...

Very good Scurralous!

As it can't be a video it must be some sort of moving Avatar?

It is a gif .. like the ones below .. but a lot more clever.

Thanks for the enlightenment - I am learning every day - this is a great site.

A nurse is found by staff in the bank trying to write a cheque with an anal thermometer. When they point this out, she says: ' Oh Great. You know what that means ? Some ass-hole has got my biro.

Q: Why do elephants paint their balls red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees

Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries

For our Qld friends


Two drovers standing in a bar.

One asked, "What are you up to?"

"Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."

"Oh yeah .... and what route are you takin'?"

"Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

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KGV tragic

A couple had an argument while driving.
They pass a Farm with pigs in the paddock

Husband asks " relatives of yours ? "

Wife Replies " yeah Inlaws "

More Qld Jokes. Leave the Frogs alone for a while!!

A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear. Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd around keen to know what they are celebrating. "Well" he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25 pounds".
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the
Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland. Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "STREWTH" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the bar. The bartender says "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers: "17 pounds".
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"
The Queensland father takes a l-o-n-g s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says
"Had him circumcised!"

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KGV tragic

Just about to pour a beer. reminded me of this.

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a
loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door
where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking
for a push.


"Not a chance," says the husband.
"It is 3 o'clock in the
morning." He slams the door and returns to bed.


"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push!"
Did you help him?" she asks. "No. I did not. It is 3 o'clock in the
morning and it is pouring rain outside!"

His wife said,
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and
those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man reluctantly gets dressed and goes out into the pouring
rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello. Are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

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KGV tragic

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby
was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home
from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the
baby.

Before they left the house Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with
him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told
him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's
missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the
smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie
told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib, he said, "What a beautiful
baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."

Johnnie said "He has beautiful little feet + beautiful little hands,
a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes" the mother replied "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great" said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be stuffed if he needed glasses".

How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box ?


Tell them it's a raft

An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman and says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."

This even has a postal connection


A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Vietnam for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment." and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes, 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The Hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M."
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. Why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls... no point in you coming in for that."

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KGV tragic

Why are men like parking spots ?

The good ones are always taken,
and the only ones left are handicapped.

George Burns

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

Scuzz

Men are like Photocopiers.

We need them for reproduction,
But thats about all they do.