Postage Stamp Chat Board & Stamp Bulletin Board Forum
 

scurralous will need to do like the celebs and go into rehab and you'll get a reprieve!

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"

The coroner says, "No."

The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"

"No."

"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
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Good one! I have to tell that to a dear friend and neighbor who is an attorney! I'll copy and email it to her. OK?

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

An old Jewish peddler ambled down a street in Tel Aviv carrying two large watermelons. A tourist stopped him to ask, "Where is Ben Yehuda Street?"

The peddler answered, "Please hold these two watermelons."

The tourist managed to gather them in his arms, whereupon the peddler made an expansive gesture with his hands and exclaimed petulantly, "How should I know?"

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Click HERE to see superb, RARE and unusual stamps, at FIXED low nett prices, high rez photos, and NO buyer fees etc!

Johnnie was spending his first night at summer camp and could not get to sleep. He went to his attractive blond counselor's tent and asked her if he could sleep with her.

"Well now Johnnie," she says, "I don't think I should let you do that."

Oh please, please Miss! He begged, My mommy always lets me.
She relented and let Johnnie climb into her cot with her.

After a few minutes Johnnie asked her, Can I please play with your belly button?

"Johnnie!" She exclaimed. "Really! I don't think you need to do that."

Mommy always let's me and in just a short while I fall asleep. He stated.

She relented to his plea.

In just a few moments passing the girl screamed "Johnnie!

That's NOT my belly button!" and kicked him out of the cot.

Johnnie replied, "That's OK miss, that wasn't my finger either!"

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

1. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.


2. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 mins.


3. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment.


4. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? £3.99 a minute.


5. How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.


6. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get the remote control.


7. What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme.


8. What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage .


9. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.


10. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.


11. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.


12. What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.


13. How do men sort their laundry? Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"


14. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


15. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


16 . What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.


17. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.


18. Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman who ate the last donut.


19. What is the difference between a battery and a man? A battery has a positive side.


20. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went.


21. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.


22. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.


23. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.


24. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.


25. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven .


26. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


27. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.


28. I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.


29. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.


30. What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced.


31. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.


32. Marriage is a 3-ring circus:


· Engagement Ring
· Wedding Ring,
· Suffering.


33. Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"


34. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


35. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."


36. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

Now there's a picture I'd like to see on a stamp!

You haven't got any first flight covers from this event have you?

They'd be a sure fire hit on eBay...

Must have been a woman ^^^^ -- can't spell proper.


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Glen; I live in the very heart of Amish country, I see those flying things everyday !

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.
The iBreast will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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KGV tragic

Flight b26 From Ireland was approaching Sydney Airport,
Captain:"This is flight b26 from Ireland requesting permission to land."

Flight Tower: "Ok flight b26 give me your height and position please."

Captain: "well....I'm five foot seven and I'm up the front."


Then once they land the Co-piolet turns to the Captain and states, " These are Australian runways aren't very long, but gee they're bloody wide."

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Happiness is a journey, NOT a destination.

Two bikies are sittin in a bar havin a drink.

The first bloke turns to his m8 and asks, "How's married life?"

"Bloody gr8", he responds, " I don't have to wait in line anymore."

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Happiness is a journey, NOT a destination.

ok my sons input ok so I know they might b a little lame lol
why was 6 scared?
cause 7,8,9

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Happiness is a journey, NOT a destination.

How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.

First Law of Dieting

Sex has no calories.

why should you never try to find a mans inner child?


Cause you'll have enough trouble coping with his outer one.

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Happiness is a journey, NOT a destination.

Re: DNA Test Results: Clinton, William Jefferson

Dear Mr. Starr:

The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.

Apologies,

The FBI

Ha!

bit like tassie hey scurralous lol

( my family originates from there but shhhhh don't tell anyone its a secret lmao )

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Happiness is a journey, NOT a destination.

Ya can't beat the intimate privacy of the Internet to keep a secret..

Hey Two Heads Are Better Than One !

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato,
which they called 'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked,
so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry,no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny
like her Shoestring cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam
to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians
so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds,
or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry
Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw
because he's just.......Are you ready for this?


Are you sure?

*

*

OK! Here it is!

*
*
*
*
*


A COMMON TATER

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

More silicone in there than my hardware store has in stock.

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

You can buy the T Shirt -

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/boy+toy/-/ ... pt_/c_360/

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Click HERE to see superb, RARE and unusual stamps, at FIXED low nett prices, high rez photos, and NO buyer fees etc!

_________________
.
Click HERE to see superb, RARE and unusual stamps, at FIXED low nett prices, high rez photos, and NO buyer fees etc!

Life is Tough
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough!

It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it?

Death! What's that? a bonus?

I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old folks home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work for forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You sow your wild oats, marry and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm! Whew!

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

An English Prof., lecturing on his travels, was speaking disparagingly about the Scots in Canada and the inter-marriage with the Indians.
"You'll find," he said, "a great number of Scots half-breeds and French half-breeds, but you cannot find any English half-breeds."
"Not surprising!" shouted ol' Angus from the audience. "The squaws had to draw the line somewhere."

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

I think the vast majority of Aussies will vote that one to the TOPof the HEAP Charlie ...

What are those Canadians up to??? re: Bigfoot
And, what does Bigfoot and a Good Woman have in common?

Everybody knows they're out there, Everyone's heard of them, but no one has really seen one!
dang! can't get the img up

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ne obliviscaris (clan campbell motto); charlie campbell, Ishkagua Jaylee, Tearlach

and now PARIS HILTON FULL FRONTAL

I came across a gentleman sitting on the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out. I asked him what was wrong, and he said "a bus just went over this cliff and 20 lawyers died".

"And you are crying about that?" I asked.

"Yes", he replied, "there were 40 lawyers on the bus"

Norm

(Before you condemn another man, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and have his shoes)

Isn't that a quote from Groucho Marx?

Reminds me of the story of the time Groucho was staying in a plush hotel with his family, and the manager very apologetically told him he could not use the swimming pool because he was Jewish. Groucho replied: "well, can my daughter go in up to the waist, because she's only half-Jewish?"

I've always been a huge fan of Groucho Marx and his brilliance...

One one quote which always comes to mind, occurred when he met a woman at a Dinner Party who was the mother of 11 children

... He said to her "That's a lot of kids"!

... She replied "Yes - it must be something in the air"

... His Reply "Mainly your legs, I'd guess"!

...and another one, from Duck Soup if memory serves me right:

"Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas...

...how an elephant got into my pyjamas, I'll never know"

Grandmas don't know everything!!

Little Johnnie was staying with his Grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when 2 people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken back, but she decided to just tell him the truth.

"It's called intercourse, darling"

Little Johnnie just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."

I pulled an older woman at a club last night.

She was a right sort for 57, we drank a bit, had a bit of a snog & she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter threesome

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put the hall light on & and shouted upstairs:

"Mum you still awake?"

What is red and white and red and white and red and white?


Santa rolling down a hill.

3 Kick Rule

A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He
shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into
retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not
coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys
in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then
you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face.
The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."
(I love this part......)
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck"

How Was Break dancing Invented ?


Mexicans trying to steal hub caps.